Of Suits, Sexual Harrassment and Mayonnaise
by junjougirl15
Summary: Aikawa implores Misaki to give Usagi some "encouragement". Meanwhile, Usagi's sexually harrassing Misaki and trying to get out of a writer's evening by destroying his hated suit. Rated for lemon/yaoi/smut etc etc.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

A/N: Heyy J As you may have guessed from my name, I love Junjou Romantica, in particular, the pairing Usagi/Misaki. I have magicked up a beautiful world of bears, innocent ukes, perverted yaoi fangirls, kitchen-sex, and sexual harrassment!

Rated for later chapters. Lemon coming up, I promise yas.

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A young man and woman sat talking in a café, somewhere in the centre of Tokyo. Now, of course, this is not an unusual occurrence – indeed, many young couples like sitting in cafés together, and eating cake until they burst, but what was unusual about these particular people was the conversation.

"So," the redhead concluded enthusiastically, slamming her mug down on the table, "As Usami-sensei is refusing to meet his deadlines, he needs some encouragement!"

The boy looked at her blankly, blinking a little. "You mean like praise, or day outings, or…"

"I mean like _sex_! Exciting kinky _sex_!"

The whole café fell silent, the only sound the gentle swing of the door. Aikawa continued her rant, completely unabashed. Misaki on the other hand, sunk into the back of his chair, praying that the floor would swallow him up. Preferably with Aikawa, so these people could continue their drink in peace.

"So… anyway… how do you plan to… you know…" Misaki twiddled with his fingers nervously, dreading the answer that was inevitably coming. "Are you thinking of…hiring…someone… or something?"

Aikawa raised an eyebrow in exasperation. "Are you stupid, or something, Misaki? I want _you_ to do it."

And so, the entire café community was disturbed once more by one particularly violent outburst.

"I am _not_ GAY!"

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Usagi hummed as he shaved his face for the party that evening, his mind on other things. "Other things" being what he would do to his dear little Misaki AFTER the party that evening. He grinned slightly. Oh yes, he _hated_ mingling, but coming home to Misaki more than made up for it. Admittedly, Misaki usually didn't _want_ to make up for it, but the Great Lord Usami persuaded himself that Misaki secretly liked it.

Of course, in order to get home to his beloved, the would have to traipse around some _hall_ all evening, sipping wine without being allowed to get intoxicated, and listening to some ancient old fart rambling on about their books on all the different types of rock, which have undoubtedly _never_ been read, and probably didn't contain any sex scenes at all.

Not to mention he would be forced to wear The Suit.

The Suit was a strange contraption, which Usagi did not like, understand, or see the point of, other than the fact that it made one look like a penguin, and was therefore useful for humiliating poor, unfortunate Lords like himself. It was currently hanging out on the windowsill – a plot of which Usagi was very proud. The idea was, that if there was a gust of wind, or a cat or something, the suit would fall off, and land in the muddy, trampled mess that was the garden, getting torn by weeds, dirtied, and (_oh no!)_ making it impossible for him to attend the party.

"Usagi-san!"

Ah, yes. The Great Lord smiled evilly. His little puppy.

Misaki, the Unwitting Victim of this monstrous villain, wandered into the bathroom carrying what appeared to be a dead penguin. Wait… oh no...penguins… penguins…

"Usagi-san, your old suit was looking a bit tatty, so I got you a new one."

The Lord blanched. No! His plan had been foiled! And by a D-Grade idiot, no less! "Damn you, God…" he muttered under his breath.

Misaki gave him a puzzled look. "What?"

"Nothing!..Thank you Misaki. You're so sweet I could just..._eat you up_." The Lord smirked suggestively. The Unwitting Victim paled, abandoning the suit without hesitation and dashing out of the room suddenly.

Well, that got rid of him for the moment. But what was he going to do with this damned spare Suit? If he didn't get rid of it somehow, then he wouldn't be able to spend the entire day in bed with his adorable little Misaki... Usagi glared at The Suit. The Suit glared at Usagi.

This was war.

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Misaki stood panting in the corner of the kitchen, tired from the Great Escape. Not the Great Escape as in trying to break out of prison... oh no, far, far worse. The Great Escape from Usagi's evil perverted clutches.

Being this tired, it would be normal for the average person to collapse on the nearest bed, sofa or chair. But as it was, Usagi would use any of those to his advantange... even the kitchen worktop was not safe, as Misaki had found out long ago. Even now he still found himself wiping off mayonnaise from where mayonnaise should _never_ be.

He was not a sandwich, goddamnnit!

But for now, he seemed safe. And free of any sort of condiment, including the dreaded mayonnaise, tartare sauce, tomato ketchup, mustard (that one had _hurt_), chocolate sauce, jam, cream, and, yes, _orange juice_. Misaki shuddered in remembrance of the horrors of kitchen sex. Was no room in this house safe?

Oh! Actually the closet... no, wait... it had been done. Something about Usagi wanting to be ironic. And Suzuki-san had seen it all. Poor bear. Misaki patted its head absent-mindedly. Suzuki must be mentally scarred by now.

He never heard "Bear-Cam" bleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

A/N: Second chapter! Yay! Smut ahoy! Sorry it took so long to update - in the middle of GCSEs... ARGH! lol XD

Warnings: Smut. Usagi.

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The hour of the party was fast approaching, and Usagi did not like the look of it one bit. The Suit, was still scrunched on the bathroom floor from when Misaki had abandoned it, and Usagi scowled at its lurking form. The Suit was plotting something. He knew it.

But what about the way to get rid of It without Misaki suspecting a thing? Hmm... Ah! Yes! A _shower_. The Suit would get wet and creased, and It would not be able to recover from Its battle wounds by the evening. And with any luck, he might just be able to get Misaki in the shower with him. The Great Lord smirked, stripping off and stepping under the running water, watching with an expression of pure joy as The Suit shrivelled under the onslaught.

Hah! He had _WON!_ The Great Lord Usami never loses to _anyone_! Even inanimate objects!

He squirted a liberal amount of shampoo onto his hair, building it up into a heavy froth, wobbling in a precarious jelly tower on the top of his head, before sliding down his back and down the plughole. This was no fun. He pouted. Why have a shower alone when you have your helpful Misaki to wash your hair for you? He was sure that there were much better uses for shampoo and shower gel than for personal hygeine.

He climbed out of the shower eagerly, tying just a towel around his waist as he went to find his beloved Misaki. Who was cowering in terrified anticipation in the kitchen.

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Said boy happened to be hyperventilating. Not just hyperventilating, however, but hyperventilating with a torn shirt, chocolate spread all over him, and his head between his legs. And just how could this get any worse? That perverted _rabbit_ was standing in the doorway with a creepily delighted expression on his face. Damn his bad luck.

It went like this. Misaki had not eaten all day, for fear of Usagi using food in unexpected and completely inappropriate ways, and, as Usagi was occupying himself with the shower, Misaki thought he could just sneak a little snack. A chocolate spread sandwich, to be precise. But as he tried to cut the bread for a sandwich, his shirt caught on the blade of the knife, tearing completely. Of course, he was so shocked by this, that he stumbled backwards, sending the open jar of chocolate spread flying, and tipping all over his naked chest.

And that was when Usagi walked in.

Honestly, Misaki could have sworn the man had a pervert-radar or something, the way he always managed to catch Misaki at the wrong time. Such as when he had his buttons one off, or if he forgot to lock the bathroom door (come to think of it, was there even a lock on the bathroom door? Misaki had a sneaking suspicion that that pervert Usagi had removed it...). And now here he was, gazing at Misaki with a look that read as a cross between predatorial hunger and pure joy. The kind of look that a starving lion might give you if he hadn't eaten all week, and you had rubbed yourself in goose fat.

"Usagi-san I... spreadallovermeI'!"

He made a bid for the door. Unfortunately, there was a slight error in his calculations, which resulted in him being dragged back. The error in question being Usagi's arm which had somehow sneaked round Misaki's waist without him noticing. _How does he do that? Is he like some sort of a ninja-perve or something?_

"Misaki. I am not going out. I am going to help my dear little lover get clean, since that is what a good boyfriend does."

"Don't decide that all on your own! Stupid pervert!" Misaki screeched as he was hoisted over the man's shoulder, resorting to hammering his fists on Usagi's back. But to no avail. Usagi just continued walking up the stairs as normal!

"We've got to be at the party in an hour!"

"Don't worry, it's only ten minutes in my red sports car."

Misaki stopped hammering his fists suddenly in confusion. "What? You normally say it's two minutes?"

"Yes, but I figured I was going to be a little busy with you during the journey." Usagi turned perverted and strangely hopeful eyes upon his boyfriend.

Misaki sighed slightly as he was thrown once more onto the bed. It's true that you can't change a man.

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Usagi beamed down at his struggling prey. The Struggling Prey in question gave him a look that read as "Usagi, if you don't get off me, I will beat you to a pulp with your own dildos."

Oh well. It was worth it. Usagi's hand slowly crept up (what remained of) his lover's shirt. Completely of its own accord of course. Usagi had nothing to do with it.  
"Usagi, get your hand OFF my... _Ahh!_ DON'T DO TH...ngh!"

Said Rabbit chuckled lowly at the way Misaki's loud protests dwindled to a faint whimper, stooping to nibble at the boy's earlobe before slowly licking his way down the boy's torso. "Misaki, you know as well as I do that you don't want my hand anywhere _but_ here. Unless of course..."

His hand slipped gently down soft, yielding flesh, giving a fluttering trace to the curve of hips, before dipping down below the boy's belt. Misaki froze. A kind of choked, half-formed protest forced its way out of the back of his throat, before sinking into a slight moan. His head buried itself unconsciously into the man's chest.

"...you want it here." Usagi punctuated his words with a firm squeeze.

The brunette arched violently with a stifled groan, fingers curling around the older man's shoulders as Usagi's lips engulfed a nipple, licking and biting with a combination of lust, tenderness and viciousness that was just _Usagi_.

"P...pervert..."

He could feel Misaki slowly relenting to him, the way his expression slid into one not of anger or even protest, but bliss. The way he went from pushing Usagi away to clinging to him. The soft peaks of hardened nipples beneath the torn, dirtied shirt, and the way his member was slowly hardening under Usagi's touch. His thumb slid tauntingly over the slit, and Misaki yelped, nails digging into Usagi's shoulders sharply.

"Heh. You like it there, huh?"

The boy didn't bother to protest this time, shudders racking though his body, his breath hitching as Usagi began to pump his erection slowly, rubbing his thumb over the slit more firmly this time. A cry ripped from Misaki's throat, bucking his hips upwards. _More_.

But Usagi withdrew his hand suddenly, stopping him. "Not yet, Misaki." he breathed. "I'll let you come, but you have to give me what _I_ want."

"W...what is it? P...please... Usagi..."

Usagi smiled at the trembling jelly of a teen beneath him. Oh yes, he could ask for _anything_ now. But, first things first.

"I want something very _very_ badly, Misaki." he huffed into the Misaki's ear, causing chills to scuttle up and down the boy's spine.

Misaki blushed deeply. "W...what...?"

"I want... not to go to the party tonight."

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Misaki breathed a sigh of relief.

"Phew! That's brilliant! I won't have to have kinky sex now!" It took him a few seconds to realise that he had said it _out loud._ _Geez, Misaki._ He scolded himself. _Brain, NOT mouth, okay?_

Usagi blinked at him. "Kinky sex?"

Misaki could practically see his ears prick up. Honestly. He was like some kind of a dog. He only heard words that he wanted to. Like "Kinky", "sex", "last night", or "horny". Misaki blushed. He was so stupid! How could he open his big mouth and make matters worse for himself! As it was, he was already dealing with a burning erection which Usagi had refused to take care of!

"I...it...itwasanideaofAikawa'." He mumbled. Quietly and very very fast. He had _hoped_ that Usagi would not understand a word of it. Unfortunately, he had not bargained on the Great Lord Usami's Super-Sonic Hearing Ability.

"Change of plan!"

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Aikawa did not have to think very hard to work out why Usagi and Misaki had turned up to the party looking... unconventional. Misaki was wearing a ripped shirt covered in the remnants of chocolate sauce, which looked suspiciously like it had been licked off. Yaoi fangirls didn't have to think hard to reach that sort of conclusion. Not to mention the satisfied, if slightly sickening grin that graced the Lord's face was a little bit of a give-away.

The man was about as subtle as a condom with a neon sign that read "I'VE HAD SEX!" emblazoned in flashing pink letters.

She supposed it wasn't exactly surprising. Usagi was in _that_ kind of mood at the moment. He tended to get sexually frustrated when he wasn't writing any BL novels. And Misaki was looking surprisingly satisfied too. If a little stiff.

She grinned. Ah, he'd have HELL to pay in the morning.

What was interesting though, was the way the other guests reacted. They didn't seem particularly shocked , just kept talking to the couple (internal squeal) as normal. In fact, everyone was acting as normal. The waiters proceeded to serve Usagi and Misaki just as courteously, the guests acted the same, Usagi continued to bluff his way around any questions that he didn't know the answer to, and, as usual, Misaki tried to keep a composed expression whilst Usagi groped his arse.

Which of course, failed as he went a beautiful shade of strawberry red.

"GET YOUR HANDS OUT OF MY TROUSERS YOU PERVERT!"

_THEN_ the guests took notice.

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A/N: Sorry this chapter isn't so good, I had to kind of dash it off since I wanted to get it finished without it interfering with my studies (damned exams). Oh well... And sorry it was only touching this time. Real lemon coming up.


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